


Circle The Drain

by chaotically_cas



Category: The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: Alcohol, Brief Vomit Mention, Death, Drugs, Implied Physical Violence, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Substance Abuse, cursing, death by drugs/alcohol, non graphic mentions of injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:01:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29650329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaotically_cas/pseuds/chaotically_cas
Summary: I have no idea what in wattpad this is but it’s a song fic based on ‘circle the drain’ by Katy Perry
Relationships: Johnny Cade/Dallas Winston
Kudos: 7





	Circle The Drain

‘This is the last time you say’

“Dallas! What the fuck?!” Johnny shouted, slamming his fist down on the counter besides him. He had to bail his boyfriend of three years out of jail for the second time this month. And he was beyond damn tired of it.   
“What?” Dally slurred out, letting himself fall into the small couch in their shared apartment above Buck’s bar. 

‘After the last line you break’

“What the hell were you thinking?!” Johnny demanded “wait I’ll answer that, you weren’t thinking, were you?”  
“Calm down Johnnycakes” Dally sighed.   
“Don’t call me that. Not right now.”  
“Johnnyca-“  
“Go to sleep, Dallas, we’ll talk in the morning.”

‘It's not even a holiday, nothing to celebrate’

Johnny rubbed his growing headache and sat himself down in one of the wooden chairs that surrounded their kitchen table. To say he was pissed was an understatement. Not only was he pissed, but he was tired. So tired. 

‘You give a hundred reasons why’

He didn’t understand what was going on with Dally. For the past three months he was completely different from the man he had first kissed at sixteen. Sure Dally had always been explosive and angry, but never towards Johnny. Not that he was now, but he was different. 

‘And say you're really gonna try’

He would stay out all night. Drinking or shooting up something awful. Getting in fights with whoever was around. It got to the point even old Timmy Shepard couldn’t even slug him anymore. It was just sad. 

‘If I had a nickel for every time’

And every week now it was the same thing. Dally coming home either buzzed or beaten. Not seeing why Johnny was upset. Apologizing like a loon in the morning. Then going and doing the same exact thing the next night. 

‘I'd own the bank’

And Johnny was getting damn used to and tired of these apologies.   
“I’m so sorry Johnnycakes”  
“It won’t happen again”  
“It was just one line”  
“Maybe if you came with me”

‘I thought that I was the exception’

Johnny fell for it nearly every time. It was exactly like he was back with his parents except he wasn’t getting the beat on. But it was the same empty promises and the same pit on his stomach every time they were broken. 

‘I could rewrite your addiction’

When it first started, Johnny thought he could help him. By cleaning him up when he got in fights. Nursing his hangovers. Helping him from not overdosing. Johnny quickly became one of the only reasons Dallas was still alive, physically. Because mentally, he was completely gone. 

‘You could've been the greatest’

He remembered the first time Dally’s heart nearly stopped. Johnny had known cpr from the many times he had practically had to do it on himself. And somehow he would rather still be doing that then whatever the hell he was doing to Dallas. 

‘But you'd rather get wasted’

And then when Dally was sitting up and talking again, he was drinking again. Or worse. It seemed like anything was better than being with Johnny. To Johnny at least. 

‘You fall asleep during foreplay’

The shock truly hit him when Dallas came home covered in dark bruises. And not the kind you get from fighting.   
“Where have you been?”  
“Around.”  
He didn’t have to admit to it. Or deny it. Johnny knew. 

'Cause the pills you take are more your forte’

And it wasn’t the first time or last. Johnny did the best he could to ignore them, to ignore Dally when he came home. And he had learned not to ask who anymore. He didn’t want to know. 

‘I'm not sticking around to watch you go down’

But for some reason, Johnny still fell asleep in his arms. He still let him hold him and touch him every night. Johnny didn’t know why but he couldn’t help himself. As much as he hated the thought of Dally’s hands roaming someone’s else’s body the way they did his, he couldn’t help himself. 

‘Wanna be your lover, not your fucking mother’

He couldn’t help but feeling sick and tired of taking care of Dally when he got like this, which was always. He loved Dally with all his heart but he didn’t have it in him to keep up with all the bandages, blow lines, and broken bottles. 

‘Can't be your savior, I don't have the power’

“Come on Johnny, why don’t you come out with me tonight”  
So he did. And pretty soon he wished he didn't. As soon as he saw Dally putting the moves on some random broad that was high off her ass as well. 

‘I'm not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain’

And Johnny just watched. He watched as Dally took the girl out back behind the bar to the bathrooms. And he sat at the bar, sipping his beer, until the both of them came back in five minutes later. Clothes ruffled, hair messy, and lips swollen. 

‘Watch you circle the drain, watch you circle the drain’

But Johnny didn’t say a word. He didn’t need to. And even if he didn’t Dallas sure as hell wouldn’t remember it in the morning. He kind of wished he wouldn’t either.   
“Come on Dal, let’s go home.”

‘You say it helps you write your rhymes’

And when they got home, Johnny let Dally kiss him. He let Dally run his hands through his hair. He let Dally hold him close and still like nothing had happened. Sometimes Johnny found himself thinking, maybe nothing had happened. But he wasn’t that naive. 

‘Whatever helps you sleep at night’

Sometimes he still let himself pretend. He let himself believe in the idea that none of it was really happening. Maybe it was ignorance of blind love or maybe it was just Johnny not wanting to lose the love he had found after everything that’s happened to him. 

‘You become what you despise, a stereotype’

That wasn’t the last time that would happen either. It became a regular thing. Them going out. Dallas pumping himself full of whatever he could get into his body. Johnny tried to stop it as much as he could until he saw Dally’s tongue down some guy's throat. 

‘You think you're so rock 'n roll’

Johnny remembered the first time Dally brought a guy back to the apartment. Like he was some kind of rock star. Like he could fuck whoever he wanted and wake up next to Johnny like nothing had happened. And Johnny let him. He didn’t want to. But he did. 

‘But you're really just a joke’

Now it was Johnny’s turn to drown himself in whatever Buck had down at the bar while he pretended not to hear the sounds coming from their shared room.   
“Johnny, what’s that?”  
“Dallas.”  
“Oh.”

‘Had the world in the palm of your hands’

And when the bar would close and the noises would all die down, Johnny would trudge back up the stairs and into their apartment. Even though he couldn’t bring himself to even call it ‘their apartment’ anymore. 

‘But you fucking choked’

The same routine. Day in and day out. Johnny crawled under the sheets and staring up at the ceiling, listening to the new noises of sleep coming from his boyfriend. Most nights he didn't sleep, he couldn’t. He just listened and thought for hours until the sun rose. 

‘Should've been my teammate’

And as soon as the sun was up, Dally was tracing his fingers along Johnny’s jaw and whispering to him how beautiful he was while placing soft sober kisses all over Johnny’s face, like nothing had even happened.   
“I love you so much Johnnycakes.”

‘Could've changed your fate’

Johnny couldn’t tell if Dally didn’t actually remember or was pretending not to, to avoid the conversation. But then again Dally wasn’t much for avoiding things. If anything, he spoke his mind.   
“Last night was amazing, don’t you think Johnny?”  
“I’m surprised you remembered it.”

‘You say that you love me’

“Of course I remember it, you make me so happy.”  
“I do?”  
“Who else?”  
“Half of Tulsa.”  
“What?”  
“Nothing.”

‘You won't remember in the morning’

So that was good enough for Johnny to assume Dally didn’t remember a thing. As far as Dally was concerned, they were spending every night together. But Johnny knew he hadn’t touched him in months. 

‘You fall asleep during foreplay’

And who knows. Maybe that was the final straw. Maybe he would rather see Dallas dead in a ditch then in their bed the way he was. To the point where his recreational activities became noticeable as well. 

'Cause the pills you take are more your forte’

“Jesus Johnny, you look like shit, are you buzzed?”  
“It was only a line.”  
“Only a line? What’s happening to you?”  
Johnny would take another puff of his cigarette and sigh “nothing, that’s the problem.”

‘I'm not sticking around to watch you go down’

And not too long after that Dallas wasn’t the only one waking up the way he was. Johnny thought back to the first time he woke up in someone else’s bed. His headache being the only reminder of how he got there. 

‘Wanna be your lover, not your fucking mother’

“Morning sunshine.”  
“Morning….”  
“Reid.”  
“Morning Reid.”  
He got up. Got dressed. And head straight back to his apartment with Dallas. 

‘Can't be your savior, I don't have the power’

When he got back, neither of Johnny or Dallas said anything. Dally because he was just high enough not to remember. And Johnny just because he was sober enough to want to forget. 

‘I'm not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain’

“How was your night, Johnnycakes? I didn’t see you this morning.”  
“It was fine. Better than most.”  
And he let Dallas hug him and shower him in gentle kisses and tight hugs like there was nothing missing. 

‘Watch you circle the drain, watch you circle the drain’

And that's how it went on for weeks. Or months. Neither of them kept track of the time well enough to care. But it was the same thing everyday. Mark. Gene. Michael. John. Kevin. Charlotte. Freddie. Buzz. Will. 

‘You fall asleep during foreplay’

Until one night where Dallas had gotten just a little too high. Whether it was one to many line. One too many pill. One to many shots. Dally wasn’t there in the morning. No matter what happened the night before, he was always there in the morning. 

'Cause the pills you take are more your forte’

So Johnny got in Darry’s truck and went around asking about him. None of the gang had seen him. Neither the Shepherds. Not even a passing Soc. That was until they saw something by the side of the road. Looked like a dead animal or something. Then Johnny recognized the jacket. 

‘I'm not sticking around to watch you go down’

Acute alcohol poisoning. Or that’s what the doctors called it. But Johnny heard it for what it really was, however, and that was that Dally had finally done himself in. He had fallen asleep for the last time. Choking on his own vomit of all things. 

‘Wanna be your lover, not your fucking mother’

And with none of Dally’s family in Tulsa or even reachable by phone, Johnny was put in the position of deciding what to do. Johnny had been watching Dallas circle the drain for nearly a year now but he never thought he would be the one to finally pull the plug. 

‘Can't be your savior, I don't have the power’

“Johnny you don’t gotta decide now.”  
“Yeah Johnny, you can take a day or two.”  
But he didn’t listen. Johnny knew his Dally died a year ago. He died the first time he stuck a needle in his arm or bought a stranger a drink. 

‘I'm not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain’

So as far as Johnny was concerned, Dallas was already dead.   
“You decide.”  
Maybe it was a shitty thing to leave your friends to do, it definitely was, but Johnny knew he was already dead as well. He was dead the same time Dallas was. 

‘Watch you circle the drain, watch you circle the drain’

Johnny went back to their apartment for the last time. Took whatever he could grab, got in Dally’s old car. And left. He didn’t know where he was going but he didn’t care much either. He just knew he couldn’t stay. 

‘Watch you circle the drain, watch you circle the drain’

Because everything would be a reminder. That half of Tulsa has been in his bed. And Dally’s. The DX. The dingo where they had their first date. The lot where they first kissed. The bar where Dallas first told Johnny he loved him. It felt like someone else’s memory. 

‘You're going down, you're going down, you're going down…’

Not his own from just a year prior. It all just felt so… distant. Hardly even recognizable.   
“I love you, Johnny Cade.”  
“I love you too, Dallas Winston.”  
“Good, then stay with me forever.”  
“Of course.”

‘You fall asleep during foreplay’

Johnny thought it was funny how short forever actually was. Forever seems like such a long time in your head, but in reality it’s never long enough.   
“Forever” Johnny mocked to himself with a slight laugh shaking his head. 

'Cause the pills you take are more your forte’

Forever was a dumb word. It made it sound like their relationship was doomed to begin with. Maybe it wasn’t just their relationship, Johnny thought. And maybe Dallas wasn’t the only one circling the drain for the last year. 

‘I'm not sticking around to watch you go down’

**Author's Note:**

> Lol if you got this far I’m so sorry. This may be a projection work now that I think about it. Sorry it sucks lolz.


End file.
